Noreen

So i haven't posted in this in forever. Been long over with my ex. I like this guy now, Andrew. He's really wonderful but painfully shy! And aaaaaaaallllll I want is to kiss him/touch him/anything physical all the time. Like its really killing me, hes so fucking cute ugh ok.

sooo...i'm getting back with my ex, turns out time apart does make the heart grow fonder..

so this is just an update on my life. i am single, my boyfriend...well ex boyfriend..we just lost spark and interest. He was working all the time and he didnt put that much effort in to see me and i just lost the strong feelings of love i had for him. we're going to remain friends though because it ended in a very civil way. but anywayyyyyyyy. I'm now hooking up with my friend dan..and its the most like abnormal but fantastic thing. we've been friends for a while and we are both kindof recently single. we admitted feelings to eachother and it just all came into some kindof really comfortable but still new and exciting hookup relationship thing.. now i dont need lables right now, or any type of discussion of "where is this going..are we ever going to be something more than this..is this going to pay off in the long run?" i honestly dont care at this point, he is literally the best kisser in the world.....i cant even explain it. and he was already my good friend so we hung out all the time anyway. and he lives within walking distance. idk its just really good, he makes me really happy. maybe someday this will be something else but right now im just ecstatic to have him interested in me.

so im gonna try to remember what i did last night....
my friend john drove me, darien, jimmy, and dan to this abandoned mansion. me and dan smoked before we left so we were already high when we got there. the road down to the mansion was sooo scary, it was through the woods on a dirt trail with trees everywhere and sharp turns and bumps. so we were screaming, already extremely excited. we get to the mansion just as its getting dark. now this mansion, for being completely run-down, overgrown, and covered in graffiti was absolutely beautiful. it was huge and old and impressive, it was on the water so the sunset was right infront of us.  we climbed inside, put all of our stuff down and started to take shots. we had a bottle of vodka and some of a bottle of tequila. we also had three people with weed on them. we took 3ish shots before john decided to give us the tour of the mansion. so we went all around and upstairs. there were sooo many rooms, all empty and covered in graffiti. we picked one at random and smoked a few bowl packs. then john suggested we go onto the roof. that was an extreme challenge. the ladder to get up there is very thin and steep and half-way up theres a rope you have to grab onto so you don't fall backwards. we made it to the roof and the view was amazinggg. trees and the harbor behind us, with all the sounds of nature and the stars starting to come out. we smoked some more and enjoyed the view. eventually we went back downstairs to our original spot. then we went down to the private beach. it was so beautiful, we had a full view of the harbor and all the buildings lights across the way and the stars. we stayed for a while, taking it all in. then we went back into the mansion and darien took out the glow-sticks. we broke some open and started to splatter the glowing liquid around an empty room. it lit up like the cosmos, it was absolutely stunning. we danced around and laughed endlessly. john then showed us the left side of the mansion, a really creepy empty bathroom. i swear there were ghosts in this place, i heard noises all night and i definitely felt the presence. not frightening though, just present. then john took us to the gazebo overlooking the water. we brought the vodka and took more shots, dan and i smoked another bowl pack or two. i was completely at peace, everything around me was stunning. i was so incredibly happy, i wasnt even afraid of the dark or the fact that we were trespassing on abandoned property. we eventually went back into the mansion, john and darien went to the car to have some alone time so jimmy dan and i stayed in the main room. i literally couldnt sit still, my head kept rolling back and i kept having to lay on one of their shoulders. i was happy though, so immensely happy. we stayed there for a while until john and darien returned and it was time to leave. we went to town after that, nothing really that exciting more happened but the whole night was an amazing experience, like nothing i'd ever done. i can't wait to go back and bring kevin, i know he'd love it, he was so disappointed he had work and couldnt come with us. so thats what i remember of my night, pretty amazing huh?

idk maybe I'm just crazy but ive always wanted to like sit someone down and explain my whole self to them, all my philosophies and everything i believe in...just to see what theyd say. i just want to know im not alone, im not the only person in this world that feels this way, im not just like some weirdo who makes absolutely no sense and no one can ever relate to. i wish i knew if that was possible. 

 I'm such a different person than I was a year ago, I feel like I really started fresh in the last few months. I'm at a really good place in my life and I wouldn't change anything right now. I have a wonderful boyfriend, great friends, and really no stress at all.. All the things that went on in the last year I don't even care about anymore, its all in the past and not worth the time of day to think about. Free motherfucking bird.

 its really weird sometimes having a boyfriend that actually cares about you. like im used to guys that didnt give two shits if i was upset or if they upset me. its weird having someone who actually feels what youre feeling and knows your pain and knows you backwards and forwards and knows when youre upset and tells you they feel bad and that youre wonderful. thats like foreign to me, to have someone care that much. i almost dont believe him sometimes when he says these things because to me its almost impossible for someone to actually care about me when im upset. its the damnedest thing. i love him so much, im just not used to having that love returned to me fully and completely, its so strange.

 a fucking psychic told my boyfriend she could see him getting someone pregnant and i cant stop crying, i dont want to get pregnant, id be alone with a fucking child.

 I often watch home buying shows on hgtv, like property virgins and house hunters and all it makes me think of is moving in with you one day. I look at the houses and picture us in them. I see us cuddling on the couch and watching movies, I see us eating a romantic dinner at the dining room table, I see myself cooking in the kitchen and having you come up behind me and kissing my shoulder so sweetly, I see us getting ready together in the morning, I see us in bed together snuggling and spooning before we drift off to sleep. I miss you so much and you left less than 2 hours ago. I can't wait to see you tomorrow. I wish I could see you everyday. I need you right now, I need your arms around me, holding me and cutely saying "mine" in my ear like you do. Please come back over, I want to be with you right now.

 With you the future isn't as scary. I honestly could see myself with you for the rest of my life. I pictured us getting married the other day and it brought me to tears, the happiest tears I've ever cried. I pictured me in a simple wedding gown, hair long and curly and you in a black tux and i was beaming up at you, completely adoring your presence, as always, and you were beaming down at me, looking at me like you were the happiest and most lucky guy in the world. and I could see it, really see it. We were so happy, we are so happy. I would be so willing to be with you for the rest of my life. You're my other half, you really are. We laugh at the same things, we hate the same things, we think the same thoughts, we play fight, we go on adventures, we make each other smile for hours on end. You are the best friend I've ever had, the best boyfriend I could ever ask for, and the perfect lover. I love you so much, you're my world, my boy, my life. It's almost a half a year together now and I'm already seeing next year and the year after that. You are my present and my future, the past was nothing, my life has begun in these last few months, you're where I want to be and who I want to be with, forever and ever.